Just for a moment

I just want to talk for a moment.  This has nothing to do with spinning or teaching or writing or my family.  It’s all about me.

I have a problem.
I choose to do things that aren’t good for me.
Not a lot of things.  The things I choose are always food things.
I’m not a skinny girl.  I never have been.  But it seems I can’t stop growing.
Four years ago I lost 50 pounds in about 10 months by signing up for LA Weightloss.  it was good for me.  There were guidelines and I weighed in 3 times per week and met with a counselor.  I also talked to my sister almost every day.  sometimes I cried and sometimes I celebrated.

When I got to the point where I should have been learning how to stabilize LA Weightlosss closed their locations.  Within a year I had gained 30 pounds and now I am up 60 pounds from my lowest weight.

Here’s the thing.  I know what I did to lose weight.  It was a balanced diet with 2 protein bars a day and less than 50 carbs.

Here’s the other thing.  When I eat a high carb diet I feel bad. I feel sluggish and bloated and just gross.  When I have high protein and vegetables and keep my net carbs under 80 max I feel good.  There are other symptoms but I won’t go into that here:-)

Also, we have diabetes in my family and I am worried about it.  I was diabetic with both of my last pregnancies.

So why oh why oh why don’t I STOP?

Go to the movies – Popcorn and soda
home – kids are having ice cream and so am I
Shop – I forgot to pack my lunch and so it’s fast food.

All bad things for someone who wants to control her sugar and also other bodily issues.
When I was losing weight I was shopping on a regular basis.  My lunch was packed for the shop every morning.  Most carbs were eaten in the morning along with a protein.

Now, I have begun and stopped doing this a ton of times over the past months.  Why don’t I just stick with it? Why?
I’m really disappointing myself.
If  one of my kids were in this predicament, I would be encouraging them but also giving them the talk about hard work and how worth while things take time and doing a little each day really adds up.

Temptation is a terrible thing.

Tomorrow I am beginning again.
8 glasses of water per day
Less than 80 carbs
More vegetables
High Protein.
Tomorrow is a new day…again.


17 thoughts on “Just for a moment”

  1. The Elusive Thread

    I support you! I'm doing the same thing. I started running again (which in turn, inspires me to watch what I eat).

    It's a slippery slope, but I know we can both do it.

    We just have to start again.

  2. Divine Bird

    Wow, this really resonated with me. I am in a similar situation; I KNOW what is good and bad for me but I don't do it. I even think about doing it and don't. And I have no good reason not to. All I can say is GO GO GO and see if I can kick myself into gear as well.


  3. Tania

    Try not to beat yourself up too much. I think you're doing an amazing thing – by starting again and setting a plan in motion for yourself.

    Each day is a fresh one with no mistakes in it. Go forward to find your best you.

  4. Valerie

    wishing you the best, Beth. In all of our best efforts we must begin….and begin again.

  5. Lynn

    Yep. Been there, done that. My only suggestion is to team up with a friend nearby and go to weekly meetings (Weight Watchers?). Every. Single. Night. set aside the time to plan the meals for the next day. Write that plan down, check it off as it unfolds. Get everyone in the family to help you. If the kids want to go for ice cream, Lou takes them, not you (and don't keep ice cream in the house). Etc., etc. I wish I could say I could commit to joining you right now, but there's too much going on … of course, there's ALWAYS too much going on, which is the real problem. Argh.

  6. Lori on Little Traverse Bay

    Each day is a fresh start and a gift to try again. Good luck! I'll be thinking about you and sending good thoughts your way.

  7. sandiwiseheart

    I'm in the same situation, and I think you are incredibly brave and strong for admitting it in public, AND for picking yourself up and starting again. It isn't the fall that shows our character, but how we get up from the fall and what we do after that which tells who we really are.

    You've always been one of my role models, Beth. And now even more so. Supporting you 110%. HUGS.

  8. Alwen

    I would never tell another person how or what to eat, but I recommend this book to everyone:

    "Mindless Eating" by Brian Wansink

    When I Googled to see if I was spelling his name right, the book has a website here –


    It's a great book and it's NOT about beating yourself up.

  9. Linda

    Beth, don't get yourself all stressed out about this. The most important thing is – you haven't given up; you keep at it! You are to be commended. Don't ever give up. So many do, so many give up the fight. I've been told that stress is a BIG contributor to weight gain and the struggle to lose it. Keep positive! Wishing you the very best in this endeavor.

  10. Holly

    After finding out that I was pre-diabetic four years ago, I made an effort to eat a better diet (tons of veggies, some meat and fat, very little carbs) and exercise more. While my main goal wasn't counting anything or losing weight, I still lost quite a bit, felt great, and when I had my doctor check to see how my blood sugar was doing, both it and my cholesterol were great.

    Since then, I have fallen back on my bad eating habits and have gained all the weight back, plus more. But I've also found Healthy at Every Size, which has helped me understand some things a bit better.

    We keep being told by our society that being thin means that we are healthy, but there is no direct relationship between being thin and being healthy.

    What I think is happening is that I am trying to stress myself into doing the right things for myself, but if I do that, I resist. It's when I am eating for how good I know I will feel if I do it and not stress about outcomes like losing weight that I've had the best success.

    I would suggest checking out Healthy at Every Size, especially if you've had trouble losing weight but need to know that you can still be healthy and how to do that in a stress-free way.

  11. Jennigma

    Every day is a new day, every bite is a new bite. If I infuse my eating with guilt and shame I hide it, even from myself. The only way I have found to eat sanely is to celebrate food, and savor it.

    I have struggled with the mindless eating demon my whole life. Sometimes it's better, sometimes worse. For me, *noticing* while eating mindlessly is huge. Letting myself notice and keep eating helps diffuse the shame. Thinking about why I'm eating while its happening has given me some great insights into what my triggers are, and I've learned compensation strategies for them.

    Am I eating the way I should? Not exactly. I've been watching the scale move slowly in the wrong direction for a while. It's been stable for a couple months. I hope to see it start going in the other direction soon.

    In the meantime, making eating something I do consciously, with intention, is key. I choose what I eat, and I choose it for all sorts of reasons, some of which have nothing to do with hunger. I get hungry or get cravings, and frequently those have nothing to do with needing food, and certainly nothing to do with needing the foods I want in those moments. Understanding all these impulses and how to calm, diffuse, and avoid them is HARD for me. Making it also a source of guilt and shame makes it not just hard, but impossible.

  12. Robin

    I am in the same place. 3 yrs. ago I lost 50 lbs. now I'm up 60 lbs. and unable or unwanting to control it. It is so frustrating to be out of control like this and it influences all aspects of my life. I'm going to try the buddy system with my friend so we can support and encourage each other. I find the first step is easy but staying on the path is hard for me. Good luck.

  13. BernadetteG

    Yes, I too relate. I have put on 15lbs this year and topped it off with a week at Universal in Orlando. I use WW on-line and it is very helpful. I also use a Nordic Track Strider which really gets fast results.
    I say forget about the past, you had a wonderful time at your daughters wedding right? I ate anything I wanted on vacation and am actually sad that I can't buy Butter Beer at the store. Hopefully a sugar free version:) Today I have my Iphone in hand, counting my points and striding while watching my favorite soaps. Moving on!!

  14. Safenj

    It is so good to express ourselves honestly and to be encouraged by others! I'm going to pipe in with my struggle to do what I know needs to be done and not just think about it too! Exercise has been on my mind and on my mind only! Someone said to tell yourself you will do something for just ten minutes. That will get me started, they say. Probably what will happen is that I will start feeling good and keep doing it for twenty or thirty minutes. Once, I decided to sleep in my exercise clothes so I wouldn't have to decide what to wear when I awaken in the morning. Actually, just admitting my problem and expressing these ideas is inspiring me already. Thank you for this "open podium" so to speak. Wish me luck!!

  15. billicummings

    I'm 54 yrs old, have 2 adult children, work with special needs children and have summers off, married to a great guy, have 4 sisters and 2 brothers, mom is still ticking and dad passed away 5 years ago. I'm 4'11" and have had problems with my weight for about the last 15 years. I have been as high as 155lbs. I should be around 115lbs. About 2 months ago I started eating Paleo. Really it just means no grains, no sugars. I eat protein and vegetables and fruit ( in limited quantities ). I'm down to 132lbs, and I feel so much better! My gastritis has all but cleared up and I'm not on the prescription meds for it anymore. I allow myself to cheat with 72% cocoa bars. I am not too hard on myself if I fail, just pick up where I left off. This and exercise ( which I am not doing enough of ) is making a big difference for me. Maybe it can help you too. Good-luck with everything, Billi

  16. Denise

    Weight gain is SO easy,weight loss is REALLY hard! My feeling is you have to burn every calorie you take in. Move. As much as possible Every step you take is calories burned. Get up from the wheel frequently – like every 20 minutes. Consider putting your computer up higher, so you have to stand, instead of sit at it. Eat healthy – this should apply to your whole family, not just you. No pop, not even diet. Fruit and veggies are the way to go. No fast food – and french fries are the worst. You really have to take time to pack yourself a healthy lunch, it's more important than getting to work on time. You can still have some ice cream – but a very small amount. It's really easy to neglect yourself when you own a business. Take care of yourself Beth, we need you here for a long, long time. No one else can do what you do.

  17. June

    This could have been written by me, Beth. I've done them all: Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Medical Weightloss…..and none of them stick. It sucks…..but be nice to yourself. We are so much more than our bodies.

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